__ ____ __________ _____ ____/ / / __ `/ ___/ __ `/ __ \/ __ / / /_/ / / / /_/ / / / / /_/ / \__, /_/ _\__,_/_/ /_/\__,_/ /____// /_/ /_ ___ / __/ /_ / __/ __ \/ _ \/ /_/ __/ / /_/ / / / __/ __/ /_ \__/_/ /_/\___/_/_ \__/ ____ ___ __/ /_____ / __ `/ / / / __/ __ \ / /_/ / /_/ / /_/ /_/ / \__,_/\__,_/\__/\____/ _ __ \ /o _ _ / o_|_ (__|_ _ ._o _ _ \/ |(_(/_ \_| |_\/ __)|_(_)| |(/__> / V ROCK SCRIPT c MicFiend13 2007-2019 This guide may be used for personal, private use only and cannot be reproduced in any shape or form without my permission. No one can use this guide for money-making purposes under any circumstances. Authorised websites list: www.gamefaqs.com www.neoseeker.com www.supercheats.com All trademarks and copyrights contained in this guide are owned by their respective holders. ________ |========| |=THANKS=| |========| PPPPPPPP Josh, for help with the script. ______________ |==============| |=VERSION INFO=| |==============| PPPPPPPPPPPPPP Version 1.0 18th April 2007 Submitted the first complete version. Just finished the Segments & Commercials section to finish the guide, but I expect to update the guide soon if any mistakes are discovered. I also need to standardise the lyrics. Version 2.0 17th June 2007 After a hectic couple of months I finally got round to finishing off the guide. All lyrics are in a standard format throughout, and the segments and commercials in between the songs are as accurate as I can get. Version 3.0 6th October 2007 Made a few minor changes to the guide, and included ASCII art for the title. I also made some corrections to the script (thanks to Josh) but it's still not perfect. This will probably be the final update. Version 4.0 24th March 2008 Again, just minor changes. Most importantly I fixed a typo that caused a problem between the table of contents and the actual section. Everything should be working fine now. Version 5.0 8th March 2009 Minor rewording of the Introduction and a few other alterations. Version 6.0 18th August 2019 A few corrections to the script. The most recent version can always be found at www.gamefaqs.com ___________________ |===================| |=TABLE OF CONTENTS=| |===================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To quickly jump to a particular section, press CTRL+F, type in the name of the section in capitals, check the Match Case box, and click Find. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Introduction 2. Songs 2.1. "Holy Diver" - Dio 2.2. "Queen Of The Reich" - Queensryche 2.3. "Lick It Up" - Kiss 2.4. "Breaking The Chains" - Dokken 2.5. "All I'm Gonna Take" - Autograph 2.6. "Balls To The Wall" - Accept 2.7. "Rock You Like A Hurricane" - Scorpions 2.8. "Long Stick Goes Boom" - Krokus 2.9. "Stranglehold" - Ted Nugent 2.10. "Round And Round" - Ratt 2.11. "Electric Eye" - Judas Priest 2.12. "Looks That Kill" - Motley Crue 2.13. "Metal Health (Bang Your Head)" - Quiet Riot 3. Segments & Commercials _________________ |=================| |=1. INTRODUCTION=| |=================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Hey, welcome to the V Rock Script for GTA: Vice City Stories! Here you'll find the lyrics to the songs found on the V Rock station, as well as everything else you hear there. The station is hosted by Couzin Ed and co-hosted by Lazlow. As you probably know, Lazlow succeeds Ed as the DJ two years later in the V Rock made popular in the original Vice City released five years ago. The station is loaded with great 80s rock, metal and hair metal songs featuring bands such as Kiss, Dio, Scorpions and Judas Priest. The lack of thrash is disappointing but it's a great playlist nonetheless. Moving on, let's get on with the guide, and let's rock! __________ |==========| |=2. SONGS=| |==========| PPPPPPPPPP _________________________ |=========================| |=2.1. "HOLY DIVER" - DIO=| |=========================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Holy Diver Artist: Dio Length: 5:52 From The Album: "Holy Diver" released in 1983 Mmmmmmm... Yeah, yeah Holy Diver You've been down too long in the midnight sea Oh what's becoming of me Ride the tiger You can see his stripes but you know he's clean Oh don't you see what I mean Gotta get away Holy Diver Yeah Shiny diamonds Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue Something is coming for you Race for the morning You can hide in the sun 'til you see the light Oh we will pray it's all right Gotta get away, get away Between the velvet lies There's a truth that's hard as steel, yeah The vision never dies Life's a never ending wheel Say... Holy Diver You're the star of the masquerade No need to look so afraid Jump, jump, jump on the tiger You can feel his heart but you know he's mean Some light can never be seen, yeah *guitar solo* Holy Diver You've been down too long in the midnight sea Oh what's becoming of me No! No! Ride the tiger You can see his stripes but you know he's clean Oh don't you see what I mean Gotta get away, get away Gotta get away, get away Yeah Holy Diver _________________________________________ |=========================================| |=2.2. "QUEEN OF THE REICH" - QUEENSRYCHE=| |=========================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Queen Of The Reich Artist: Queensryche Length: 4:20 From The Album: "Queensryche" released in 1983 In the dead of night She'll come and take you away Searing beams of light and thunder Over blackened plains She will find her way Flying high through the night She will hide your fate As she takes your soul from under And the blinding light of the castle fades There is no escape It's the ending of your precious life Your soul slipped away It belongs to the Queen Of The Reich The Queen Of The Reich Yeah she's coming for you You're fading away Your life cast astray A victim the beast shall obtain The light will not shine For you'll die tonight at her shrine And black is the last thing you'll see *guitar solo* *screams* Over and over Dreams of dying fill your head It's the sign of the cross That you'll find ahead No-one will answer The light is fading away Captive souls are screaming out in pain There is no escape It's the ending of your precious life Your soul slipped away It belongs to the Queen Of The Reich You're fading away, no, no, no The Queen Of The Reich You're slipping away, yeah The Queen Of The Reich __________________________ |==========================| |=2.3. "LICK IT UP" - KISS=| |==========================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Lick It Up Artist: Kiss Length: 3:59 From The Album: "Lick It Up" released in 1983 Don't wanna wait till you know me better Let's just be glad for the time together Life's such a treat and it's time you taste it There ain't a reason on earth to waste it It ain't a crime to be good to yourself Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... it's only right now Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... ooh yeah Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... come on, come on Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... Uh! Don't need to wait for an invitation You gotta live like you're on vacation There's something sweet you can't buy with money - lick it up, lick it up (Woo) It's all you need, so believe me honey It ain't a crime to be good to yourelf Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... it's only right now Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... ooh yeah Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... come on, come on Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... Come on - it's only right now, it's only right now Ooh yeah (ooh yeah) ooh yeah (ooh yeah), yeah yeah! *guitar solo* Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... it's only right now Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... ooh yeah Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... come on, come on Lick it up, lick it up, ohhhhhh... _____________________________________ |=====================================| |=2.4. "BREAKING THE CHAINS" - DOKKEN=| |=====================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Breaking The Chains Artist: Dokken Length: 3:50 From The Album: "Breaking The Chains" released in 1982 Sit there thinkin' In your room You feel the pressure You're going crazy too The walls around you Closing in You need a change Claustrophobic Feeling scared You need somebody But no one seems to care A one way ticket A change of pace You've had enough Cant take no more Breaking the chains around you Nobody else can bind you Take a good look around you Now... you're... breaking the chains Got this letter Came today From my baby Who left me yesterday Said she loves me She'll come back She wants to try I won't let her She'll be upset I know it's better Than somethin I'll regret She's been dishonest And insincere I lost my mind Twenty times a year Breaking the chains around me Nobody else can bind me Take a good look around me Now... I'm... breaking the chains Oh oh oh... Oh oh oh... (ascends) Oh oh oh... Oh oh oh... (ascends) *guitar solo* Woke up today I'm alone I look around But baby you were gone But I don't mind And I don't worry I will survive I'm alone Now that you're gone Dont need nobody To hold or tie me down! I broke the chains So let me be Ive gotta be freeeeeeee! Breaking the chains around me Nobody else can bind me Take a good look around me Now... I'm... breaking the chains Breaking the chains around me Nobody else can bind me Take a good look around me Now... I'm... breaking the chains _______________________________________ |=======================================| |=2.5. "ALL I'M GONNA TAKE" - AUTOGRAPH=| |=======================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: All I'm Gonna Take Artist: Autograph Length: 5:41 From The Album: "Sign In Please" released in 1984 Did you ever wonder If you were gonna break When you finally hear the power You've had all you're gonna take I know when I give in There ain't nothin' left to say Something clicks inside me And it's graduation day Everybody learns (everybody learns) The point of no return My circuit braid is breaking My sanity's at stake I know I've taken all I'm gonna take Frustrated bodies shakin' Feel like I'm gonna break I know I've taken all I'm gonna take Big boss man In his collar and his tie Thinks he's got the upper hand When he turns us loose at night It can make a man so desperate When there ain't no money left But a pistol's always welcome Like American Express Well everybody learns (everybody learns) The point of no return My circuit braid is breaking My sanity's at stake I know I've taken all I'm gonna take Frustrated bodies shakin' Feel like I'm gonna break I know I've taken all I'm gonna taaaaake... *guitar solo* ___________________________________ |===================================| |=2.6. "BALLS TO THE WALL" - ACCEPT=| |===================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Balls To The Wall Artist: Accept Length: 5:50 From The Album: "Balls To The Wall" released in 1983 Too many slaves in this world Die by torture and pain Too many people do not see They're killing themselves - going insane Too many people do not know Bondage is over the human race They believe slaves always lose And this fear keeps them down Watch the damned (God bless ya) They're gonna break their chains (Hey) No, you can't stop them (God bless ya) They're coming to get you And then you'll get your Balls to the wall, man Balls to the wall You'll get your balls to the wall, man Balls to the wall - balls to the wall You may screw their brains You may sacrifice them, too You may mortify their flesh You may rape them all One day the tortured stand up And revolt against the evil They make you drink your blood And tear yourself to pieces You better watch the damned (God bless ya) Theyre gonna break their chains (Hey) No, you can't stop them (God bless ya) They're coming to get you And then you'll get your Balls to the wall, man Balls to the wall You'll get your balls to the wall, man Balls to the wall - balls to the wall Here we go *guitar solo* ______________________________________________ |==============================================| |=2.7. "ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE" - SCORPIONS=| |==============================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Rock You Like A Hurricane Artist: The Scorpions Length: 4:11 From The Album: "Love At First Sting" released in 1984 It's early morning, the sun comes out Last night was shaking, and pretty loud My cat is purring, and scratches my skin So what is wrong with another sin? The bitch is hungry, she needs to tell So give her inches, and feed her well More days to come, new places to go I've got to leave, it's time for a show Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am, rock you like a hurricane My body is burning, it starts to shout Desire is coming, it breaks out loud Lust is in cages, till storm breaks loose Just have to make it, with someone I choose The night is calling, I have to go The wolf is hungry, he runs to show He's licking his lips, he's ready to win On the hunt tonight, for love at first sting Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Rock you like a hurricane *guitar solo* It's early morning, the sun comes out Last night was shaking, and pretty loud My cat is purring, and scratches my skin So what is wrong with another sin? The night is calling, I have to go The wolf is hungry, he runs to show He's licking his lips, he's ready to win On the hunt tonight, for love at first sting Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am, rock you like a hurricane Here I am ______________________________________ |======================================| |=2.8. "LONG STICK GOES BOOM" - KROKUS=| |======================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Long Stick Goes Boom Artist: Krokus Length: 5:10 From The Album: "One Vice At A Time" released in 1982 Y'all know about 69 Burnin' bones and bedside time Once again we meet tonight Get that touch of a magical night We're gonna hit it We're gonna kick it We're gonna break out through the ice You give us fever You give us sweat You're gonna make us live it twice Tonight long stick goes boom Tonight long stick goes boom Tonight long stick goes boom Tonight long stick goes boom... The time is right for a ride tonight To be with you I'd risk a fight My stick is tight, my blood is hot Let's do it right here on the spot We're gonna hit it We're gonna kick it We're gonna break out through the ice You give us fever You give us sweat You're gonna make us live it twice Tonight long stick goes boom Tonight long stick goes boom Tonight long stick goes boom Tonight long stick goes boom... __________________________________ |==================================| |=2.9. "STRANGLEHOLD" - TED NUGENT=| |==================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Stranglehold Artist: Ted Nugent Length: 8:22 From The Album: "Ted Nugent" released in 1975 Here I come again now, baby Like a dog in heat Tell it's me by the clamor now, baby I like to tear up the street Now I been smokin' for so long Ya know I'm here to stay I got you in a stranglehold, baby You best get outta the way Road I cruise is a bitch now baby But no, you can't turn me round And if a house gets in my way, baby Ya know I'm tearing it down You ran the night that you left me You put me in my place Got you in a stranglehold, baby Then I crushed your face *guitar solo* ________________________________ |================================| |=2.10. "ROUND AND ROUND" - RATT=| |================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Round And Round Artist: Ratt Length: 4:25 From The Album: "Out Of The Cellar" released in 1984 Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet You make the night, I always cross the line Tightened our belts, abuse ourselves Get in our way, we'll put you on your shelf Another day, some other way We're gonna go, but then we'll see you again I've had enough, we've had enough Cold in vain, she said: I knew right from the beginning That you would end up winning I knew right from the start You'd put an arrow through my heart Round and round With love we'll find a way just give it time Round and round What comes around goes around I'll tell you why Dig Lookin' at you, lookin' at me The way you move, you know it's easy to see The neon light's on me tonight I've got a way, we're gonna prove it tonight Like Romeo to Juliet Time and time, I'm gonna make you mine I've had enough, we've had enough It's all the same, she said: I knew right from the beginning That you would end up winning I knew right from the start You'd put an arrow through my heart Round and round With love we'll find a way just give it time Round and round What comes around goes around I'll tell you why Yeah! *guitar solo* _____________________________________ |=====================================| |=2.11. "ELECTRIC EYE" - JUDAS PRIEST=| |=====================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Electric Eye Artist: Judas Priest Length: 3:39 From The Album: "Screaming For Vengeance" released in 1982 Up here in space I'm looking down on you My lasers trace Everything you do You think your private lives think nothing of the kind There is no true escape I'm watching all the time I'm made of metal My circuits gleam I am perpetual, I keep the country clean I'm elected electric spy I'm protected electric eye Always in focus You can't feel my stare I zoom into you You don't know I'm there I take a pride in probing all your secret moves My tearless retina takes pictures that can prove I'm made of metal My circuits gleam I am perpetual, I keep the country clean I'm elected electric spy I'm protected electric eye *guitar solo* Electric eye, in the sky Feel my stare, always there There's nothing you can do about it Develop and expose I feed upon your every thought And so my power grows I'm made of metal My circuits gleam I am perpetual, I keep the country clean I'm elected electric spy I'm protected electric eye I'm elected electric spy I'm protected electric eye I am electrical, protected, detective, electric eye _______________________________________ |=======================================| |=2.12. "LOOKS THAT KILL" - MOTLEY CRUE=| |=======================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Looks That Kill Artist: Motley Crue Length: 4:07 From The Album: "Shout At The Devil" released in 1983 Now listen up She's razor sharp If she don't get her way She'll slice you apart Now she's a cool, cool black Who moves like a cat If you don't get her game Well you might not make it back She's got the looks that kill That kill She's got the looks that kill That kill She's got the looks She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill Now she's bullet-proof Keeps her motor clean And believe me, you She's a number thirteen The church strikes midnight She's lookin' louder and louder She's gonna turn on your juice, boy Well then she'll turn on the power She's got the looks that kill That kill She's got the looks that kill That kill She's got looks that kill She's got looks that kill *guitar solo* Hey Now listen up She's razor sharp If she don't get her way She'll slice you apart Now she's a cool, cool black Who moves like a cat If you don't get her game You might not make it back ____________________________________________________ |====================================================| |=2.13. "METAL HEALTH (BANG YOUR HEAD)" - QUIET RIOT=| |====================================================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP Song: Metal Health (Bang Your Head) Artist: Quiet Riot Length: 5:17 From The Album: "Metal Health" released in 1983 Well I'm an axegrinder, piledriver Mother says that I never never mind her Got no brains, I'm insane Teacher says that I'm one big pain I got a laser, 6-streamin' razor I got a mouth like an alligator I want it louder, more power I'm gonna rock ya till it strikes the hour Bang your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad Band your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad Well I'm remonstrated, outdated I really want to be overrated I'm a finder and I'm a keeper I'm not a loser and I ain't no weeper I got the voice to make the noise Won't ever let up Hope it annoys you Join the pack Fill the crack Well now you're here There's no way back Bang your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad Bang your head! Metal Health'll drive you mad Metal Health'll cure your crazy Metal Health'll cure your mad Metal Health is what we all need It's what you have to have *guitar solo* ___________________________ |===========================| |=3. SEGMENTS & COMMERCIALS=| |===========================| PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP AmmuNation Announcer: Hey kids, Saturday mornings, skip the cartoons and head to some real life Saturday Safety Fun at AmmuNation with Derek the Dodo. Derek: Hey kids! Kids: YEAH! Derek: You see kids, guns aren't the problem. You know what the problem is? Anti-gun zealots. Kids: Yeah, lousy scum. Derek: Real men don't own a gun. They own five or more! Make sure your daddy's a real man. Girl: Hi Derek! I love you! Derek: Oh that's sweet. I love you too. What's your question? Girl: Um, when I find a gun at home, did you say to look down the barrel, and pull the trigger? Derek: Sure honey, give it a go. Girl: Like this? (gunshot) Kids + Derek: OH! Derek: You see? Girls are stupid. To heck if a gun is loaded, you should always point it away from you. At an immigrant, or a banker. Kids: YEAH! AmmuNation Announcer: AmmuNation and Derek the Dodo have been proudly bringing gun safety to your community for over 30 years. AmmuNation! Protecting your kids' rights. Kids: AMMUNATION! Ed: That's some great sponsorship we've got there. AmmuNation! Man, those guys make me feel safe. Lazlow: Yeah, it's nice to know everyone's armed to the teeth. Ed: Exactly! I've got a six shooter on each hip and a twelve shooter between my legs. God, I love my country right now! Football! Beer! Freedom! ???: Reagan! Ed: V Rock! V Rock Announcer: Other stations are for maneaters, we only eat one thing: ludes. From the top of the vulture building, this is V Rock. Ed: Hey all you hot chicks, are you listening? Couzin Ed with the intern: Lazlow. Lazlow: I'm not the intern, I'm the co-host almost! Besides, I smoke cigarettes. Ed: Yeah probably Athena 200s. That's what I want phones to do, light it up. So more of these free tickets to give away to the 666 collar. You're on the home of the vulture! V Rock Announcer: V Rock! "Holy Diver" by Dio plays. Ed: You know Couzin Ed always dives for the ho. Holy Diver. V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Ed: This is the home of rock. Lazlow: The home? Ed: Who asked you to talk? This is V Rock! V Rock Announcer: Where the guitar is god, and the vulture is king. Bow down to V Rock. Ed: The air team here at V Rock. (Gotta party!) V Rock got the explosive sounds to blow your ass off. Lazlow: Rock 'n' Roll! Ed: Learn it, know it, love it, live it. Couzin Ed here, I'm the cousin you can sleep with and tell your mom. Hell bring her too, I've probably had her anyway. V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock! Ed: Let's turn it up to 12! Bitch! "Queen Of The Reich" by Queensryche plays. Ed: Metal, up your ass! V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Ed: That's right it's V Rock. V Rock! And the vulture. Vulture up your ass! Yeah! We're all about the rock being non-stop. Fewer commercials mean more rock music. We'll be right back. North Woods is just like any other community, full of families, like the Dawsons, with their 3 children and their dog. (barks) (laughing) But as darkness falls, it's best to put away the hockey masks and kitchen knives... Twilight Knife. Somewhere in these woods there's a private sensual secret place couples go, to die. Rod: Hey Cindy! Wanna go make out in a graveyard? Cindy: OK Rod. Maybe I'll let you see my bazoobas. But they lose more than their innocence. Cindy: Rod? Is that you? Rod: Ahhhhh! My penis! (evil laughing) Cindy: Rod? ???: Been necking again... Ha, you're going to join him, you harlot. Twilight Knife. A new dimension in terror. Don't shower alone. Don't turn out the lights. Twilight Knife. There'll be tears before bedtime. V Rock Announcer: Screw that pussy rock. This is V Rock! "Lick It Up" by Kiss plays. Ed: I love Kiss. Priest rules, Kiss rules, Motley Crue rules! Trippin' and drinking whisky here on V Rock! We've got some fans who are gonna be backstage at the Love Fist show. Hal! We gave out some tickets last month and the winner died in a drunk-driving accident. Yeah! V Rock Announcer: V Rock, the home of the vulture. Music is dead, and we're eating its innards. V Rock! "Breaking The Chains" by Dokken plays. Ed: Breaking The Chains! I keep Lazlow tied to a chain in the corner so he won't ruin my show, or grab my ass. V Rock Announcer: The vulture is back and he's carpet bombing Vice City! V Rock keeps passing out the prizes with the Vulture Prize Patrol. Where's there's carry-on, and we'll start feasting. Tell Vice City you're a rebel. (Rebel!) All you need to do is pick up your V Rock window sticker, place it on your car window and you'll not only let everyone know what kind of music you like, but you'll set the record straight on your sexuality once and for all. Plus if the Prize Patrol stops you'll win a V Rock muscle T-shirt and a complete hair-care set from Sissy Springs. We're patrolling the streets in the V Rock van, looking for underage girls and members of the V Rock army, the vulture needs your flesh! So pick up your V Rock window sticker at any Burger Shot, Complete The Look store, or Synth 'n' Son locations, or we'll peck your eyes out. Lazlow: Hey there you're on V Rock with Lazlow and Couzin Ed! We're gonna... uh... Ed: You are doing that ALL wrong. Lazlow: What!? Ed: You sound about as much fun as a chainsaw enema, and trust me, that's not a lotta fun. You've gotta sound like you're the party organiser, not the funeral director. Lazlow: What are you talking about!? Gimme a break, I'm just trying to be myself. Ed: No wonder we're suffering... This is V Rock, shithead, not Emotion! V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Ed: Doing our bit for the community by keeping this freak off the streets. Let's get our gender in order! Let's play some rock! "All I'm Gonna Take" by Autograph plays. Ed: Turn up the radio, it's Autograph. All I'm Gonna Take. Couzin Ed here with Lazlow, the intern, who's paddling his pink canoe 'till it leaks, it's V Rock! Lazlow: I've never even seen a pink canoe. Ed: You are part wimp part pussy. That's a woose and that's you my friend! You know how some guys grow their hair long and they look like rockstars, and others they just look like ugly girls? Little Lazzy here's looking pretty damn feminine, aren't ya honey? V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Whether it's 2 for Tuesday, 3 for Thursday, or Shitface Saturday, put a fist in the air and listen to V Rock. Woman: I'm underage, big daddy. Ed: This is America. It's a free country, it's a capitalist country, it's a great country! Let's celebrate with these messages from our important sponsors. Barman: Howdy stranger, can I get you a drink? Man: Gimme a Double Lag Lager. (gasps) Barman: You think you can handle it stranger? Double Lag Lager. The beer in the shotgun can, made for the way you like to drink beer: fast. Woman: You must not be from around these parts stranger. Now watch. I'm the only girl in town that can take both barrels. (glugs) Barman: Whee, donkey! Look at her go! Man: My god, that's a classy broad. Barman: I'll say. She uses the car park for dates. Hardly ever the pinball table. Double Lag Lager. Double barreled for double the good times. Pull the tab and shoot it down your throat. When you're partying with a shotgun, who knows where the evening will go. For a man that doesn't have time for sissy drinking. Double Lag Lager. Get both barrels. Ed: Here's a song that'll make a man outta anyone. Even Lazarus. Lazlow: Well I'm going to broadcasting school next year. Then I'm gonna come back to Vice City and be a V Rock DJ. Ed: Rock radio isn't a formula. It's about rebellion and freedom, Lazarus. V Rock Announcer: V Rock! "Balls To The Wall" by Accept plays. Ed: Lazlow! Get over there and put your balls to the wall. Couzin Ed here- Lazlow: And Lazlow! Ed: Shut up! Giving you the chance to make a move on a pair of tickets, your chance in a Dirty Thirty. That's 30 minutes people. Stay crazy, just like me. V Rock! Man: Hey Lazlow! If you don't shut up you'll be the first intern I've ever fired! V Rock Announcer: Grow your hair, put on a spandex catsuit, and learn to pout. Now, you're a man. Man: Hey, how does my pocket look? Woman: It's tiny. V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Woman: I can't believe that thing got me pregnant... Ed: Yeah! The rock makes it feel so good. Lazlow: I'm touching myself! Ed: Speaking of, I hurt my pinky and I mastered my butterfly knife which is the pinnacle of reckless living. My face in roast beef! Lazlow: The pinnacle of reckless living is a butterfly knife? Ed: Yeah, or in your case, it's probably staying up until 10 on a school night. Knives are cool! Rock is cool! Couzin Ed is cool! Lazlow sucks! I love sluts! Ed: Yeah! Vice City, this is V Rock and The Scorpions, Rock You Like A Hurricane. "Rock You Like A Hurricane" by The Scorpions plays. V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Ed: You're experiencing radio history! Call your neighbours and tell them to turn on their radios. The V Rock vulture is in heat, on the nest here at the top of the V Rock building is gonna be set on FIRE! Lazlow: Yeah! Ed: We're gonna pick up some sluts. Hot sluts with guts! Heavy metal concert and a stretch limo. You wouldn't know what to do with a slut would you Lazlow? Lazlow: I've seen plenty of sluts... Ed: Translation: Virgin. Let's rock it! "Long Stick Goes Boom" by Krokus plays. Lazlow: This is V Rock! Ed: Get away from the microphone Lazlow. V Rock, smokin' cheese and crackers. Yeah! Don't sign your yearbook, burn it. V Rock, about to tell you a new one. Lazlow: You're such a basketcase Ed, get off my case! Ed: I am a radio masterpiece. You could not do this job EVER Lazlow. Let's party! V Rock Announcer: While you're at a car-key party... Man: Who wants to fuck my wife? V Rock Announcer: ...We're freebasing. From the top of the vulture building, this is V Rock! Ed: Got a stranglehold? Let go or you'll have to bury the evidence cause it ain't on V Rock, with Ted Nugent aka Terrible Ted, the Axemaster. Let's keep the rock rockin', on the home of the rockin' party. V Rock Announcer: V Rock! "Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent plays. Ed: Oh I want you to turn up the radio, just a little bit louder. (Louder!) Did you see the President last night? Reagan man, fuck yeah! Lazlow: I know you keep telling me to move to Canada, but I'm not into this whole Reagan thing. Ed: No, you like a nice soft Liberal to curl up to. Man, that president. Great performance. A flawless performance. The Soviets didn't applaud, but they're lucky we don't bomb their godless asses back to the Stone Age! V Rock Announcer: If you're gonna play a synthesizer, you better not be wearing makeup. Man: It's not makeup, it's free expression. V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock! Ed: Couzin Ed, the bitch is back! We're gonna give away, I can't even say it. We're breaking records baby, 50 dollars in cold hard cash. V Rock, making you rich, not itch. Just call and tell me why you rock the most. "Round And Round" by Ratt plays. V Rock Announcer: V Rock! Whether it's 2 for Tuesday, 3 for Thursday, or Shitface Saturday, put a fist in the air and listen to V Rock! Girl: I'm underage, big daddy. Ed: Let's get telephonic, go to the horn! Who's calling? Caller: Are you gonna give away some money or not? Ed: Listen browny hound, have you ever felt up a girl? Caller: Shut up and play some rock. Ed: So you think Lazlow's cute? You think he's smokin'? Caller: I think you suck. What kind of a radio name is Couzin Ed? If you were my cousin, I wouldn't sleep with you. Lazlow: Ha! Look at that! Ed: Shut up you pouty bitch! V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock! "Electric Eye" by Judas Priest plays. Ed: Welcome back to the V Rock lair, which is in the dungeon, or is it a nest!? I don't know, but there's panties and I smell someone so... Lazlow: V Rock! (women laughing) Ed: We've got some V Rock virgins here in the studio. Lazlow: Bitches! Ed: So what do you think of Priest? Yeah wow honey, you smuggling peanuts under that shirt? (Lazlow laughs) Ed: Why don't you show Lazlow you're bazumbas? Oh hello... We're naked in here. Lazlow, why are you covering your eyes? AmmuNation Announcer: Hey kids, why spend Saturday watching boring cartoons about fighting aliens when you could help fight some real and legal aliens? Head to some Saturday Safety Fun at AmmuNation with Derek the Dodo. Kids: YEAH! Derek: Hi kids, I'm Derek the Dodo. Today I'm gonna teach you all about gun safety, doesn't that sound fun? Kids: YEAH! Derek: Guns can be very dangerous, especially the little people who don't like holes shot in them, or birds on deserted islands who thought those sailors only wanted to be friends, but that's another story. Woman: Derek will teach the kids what to do if you find a gun around the house. Derek: What do we do first? Kids: WE PICK IT UP! Derek: Second? Kids: CHECK IT'S LOADED! Derek: Right, cause we don't want any nasty accidents. So look down the barrel, and... Kids: PULL THE TRIGGER! (gun shot) Kids: OW! Derek: Yep, that's learning Henry, and you made a mess. Next, carefully follow up the serial number and conceal it quickly about your person. Kids: (clapping) YEAH! AmmuNation Announcer: AmmuNation and Derek the Dodo have been proudly bringing gun safety to your community for over 30 years. AmmuNation, protecting your kids' rights. Kids: AMMUNATION! Ed: Why are you looking at me like that Lazlow? "Looks That Kill" by Motley Crue plays. Ed: This is the home of rock. V Rock! Lazlow: Yeah, we're rocking so hard it's- Ed: Shut up! Coming up on a 28 minute free ride. Like getting hit with a chicken she throws up and forgets to charge you! Couzin Ed has popped the kickstand! You wanna see Lazlow? Man: You were the king Bruno. Nobody could touch you. Bruno: I don't care! I get insurance now when when I drink too much. This summer, Partial Pictures proudly presents... Man: Bruno! You used to be a wrecking machine. Nobody could do more push-ups than you. Push-up, a movie about one man's battle with gravity. Son: I don't respect you Dad! You're not strong anymore. That's why I let the tennis coach take Mom! And he's got only one way to win back the respect of his son... Announcer: Welcome to the 15th annual World Wide Push-up Contest, held in Tokyo, China! Man 1: For the first time in my life, I'm gonna cry! I'll never beat that big Russian... Man 2: Yah, I push-up for the collector. An individual against the collective system of oppression. 25! Yeah! 26! Go! (Action...) 105! 106! (Adventure...) 312! 313! (Suspense...) It's a story that will touch your heart... Woman: I'm here to help you Timmy! Timmy: You're not my mom, you're just banging him for coke money! Woman: Fuck off you little brat! In 5 years you'll be a freebasing wreck! It's Bruno's greatest challenge, to save his honour, his son, and his manhood. See Push-up The Movie. An American tradition. Ed: How would you like to be the poor sucker who doesn't have his radio tuned to V Rock when we send out the Vulture Prize Patrol? And any hot sluts out there, if you see the V Rock Prize Patrol, honk your horn, pull over and show 'em what you do for some great prizes. Lazlow: Sluts! Ed: I put a V Rock sticker on my girl's ass, before I jump her bone! Lazlow: Ha, yeah, so send a self-addressed envelope to us here at the station, we're outside of Vice City in Red Dick Florida, that's where the transmitter is, and we'll mail you a V Rock sticker man! Ed: And what's the address Lazlow? Lazlow: It's V Rock, PO Box 105, Red Dick Florida, 32686. And make sure you include a self-addressed stamped envelope, cause stamps cost money, and rock 'n' roll ain't free. Right Ed? Ed: Onto more V Rock! V Rock Announcer: This is V Rock! "Metal Health (Bang Your Head)" by Quiet Riot plays. Ed: Quiet Riot, Metal Health Bang Your Head. Lazlow: I've got a battleaxe man! Ed: You are driving me mad Lazlow! If I can't entertain your brain, I might as well hang my headphones up right now. V Rock! Ed: Fuck you New Wave and go to hell! That's right go to hell, but not the hell I'm going to, that's the fun hell. You'll go to the crappy hell, yeah! I've got a vulture, and he'll peck your eyes out! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- END OF GUIDE - THANK YOU FOR READING! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------